Holiday Soaked Irony
by Genis Aurion
Summary: Oneshot, KYLEKENNY. Everyone thought he'd end up with Stan, everyone except Kyle himself. Oh, how so very ironic that had been.


Submission 001 for the awsm KyleKenny archive   
and yes, it is a tad out-of-season.  
And the idea was expanded upon from one of my small drabbles.  
Sorry, but I liked that idea (very) much!

**Holiday-Soaked Irony  
**_Zakuyoe_

Most thought he'd end up with Stan.

Upon first hearing it Kyle had to make sure he had heard correctly. No, the common folk of South Park didn't even first consider him with a girl. As far as that small town was convinced, Kyle Broflovski was destined to like a guy.

What irony that had been, indeed.

Kyle accepted it with a laugh, however, even telling Stan about it in an attempt to get a laugh out of him. Being best friends, the two told each other almost, if not, everything; and the Jewish boy was convinced that him hearing such a farfetched prediction would surely strike reason to laugh between the two.

Oh how surprised Kyle had been when Stan admitted to the boy his hidden feelings.

In a very polite manner Kyle said to him, "Let me think about it, dude. I'm so fuckin' confused about life…." And so, in dire need of sorting out his life, Kyle ran to Kenny.

Had it been ironic that Kyle found only more confusion there?

Yes, he then found out that, apparently, Kenny McKormick liked Kyle as well. He found himself running back home, confining himself in the barriers of his own walls, all until he could finally make out something from what had started from a mere consensus of a town.

He would definitely not ask Cartman for help, though. In the most expected and un-ironic way possible, he knew he'd only get yet another anti-Semitic insult.

-

Most thought he'd end up with Stan. Ironically enough, Kyle didn't quite think so.

In fact, as the days went by, Kyle found himself more likely to be with Kenny. And no, not because he ultimately had that choice to begin with, but after days of thinking about the matter Kyle couldn't help but list numerous ways to rip on his Super-Best-Friend.

For example, how much of a total gay-wuss Stan was on the inside. He was always acting tough on the outside, being on the football teams and teams of other such sports, yet inside him always remained the emo-wuss that had pitifully mourned over Wendy Testaburger. Not that he believed being depressed was something to be shunned for, but being that extreme over a breakup, in Kyle's opinion, was quite pathetic.

Not to mention how oblivious Stan can be of people when he was excited over something. Place an enticing magazine of porn in front of him and Kyle knew Stan wouldn't notice him if he stole his wallet or if he spray-painted graffiti on his bedroom walls—hell, Stan probably wouldn't even pay attention if someone ass-raped him from behind.

Yet despite all of that, they were _still_ Super-Best-Friends… ironically enough. And as the golden rules of dating says (in Article IV, Clause 18a), you _can't_ date your best friend, no matter how super they are.

-

A more articulate example of Stan's obliviousness had been the following Christmas.

Well, Christmas for him, at least. For Kyle, of course, it was nothing more than the aftermath of Chanukah and a lonely night once more. The previous night Stan had promised to at least call the Jewish boy, but of course Kyle hadn't expected much out of him.

You know, since getting presents and sitting on the lap of some pervert-disguised-as-Santa-Claus was _so_ exciting.

Though, ironically enough, even though Kyle hadn't expected any calls, his phone still rang. Indeed it had been quite the dinner interruption, but after seeing the caller display he couldn't possibly let down the call.

Kenny McKormick, the display had said. And as always, a name that overrode any amount of yelling his mother gave him.

"Hey."

"Happy Chanukah, dude!" had been the greeting.

Kyle only glared at the walls of his room. "That was so four days ago. Not to mention Chanukah isn't a one day thing."

"Eh, sorry," said Kenny. "I'll remember that next year. Have a good one, dude!"—and the blonde hung up.

Even though he had called in the past, the result was always the same. Minutes after hanging up, as he returned to the table, Kyle couldn't help but stare blankly in a sea of questioning.

Since when could Kenny McKormick afford a cell phone?

-

Most though he'd end up with Stan, but that had probably been why Kyle had chosen Kenny over Stan.

Stan most indefinitely knew Article I, Clause 18a, and consequently felt no guilt—which, of course, had been a good thing, since Kyle didn't want another year of emo-wuss Stan. And naturally Kenny felt no shame in taking Kyle as his own, letting out several infamously Kenny's proclamations of joy.

"Everyone thought I'd end up with Stan," Kyle said with a smile, though in all due respect not many actually knew about Kyle and Kenny's status yet. "Instead I'm holding hands with you."

"Where's the irony in that?" said a sarcastic Kenny before stealing a kiss.

-

Kyle could only laugh a year later when Chanukah had come by once more.

"A gift for every day of Chanukah," Kenny said with smile, handing over a small, gift-wrapped box.

Inside was merely a piece of paper: _I_.

Kyle eagerly awaited the next day's present, especially since the one-word—hell, one-letter—note intrigued him. But in all the ruin of his excitement the second box contained yet another note: _Wish_.

-

_I wish I were Jewish so I understood what's so special about this holiday. _

And by the time the aforementioned holiday came to an end, a final box (much larger, in fact) of completely-Kosher sweets (except they were Kosher, so being sweets was a slight misnomer), flowers, and some figurine-someone-at-the-local-shopping-center-deemed-as-an-epitome-of-the-Chanukah-season had found its way into the hands of a rather ecstatic Jewish boy.

-

That Christmas Eve, Kyle set out to the same shopping mall to buy Kenny a completely Jewish Christmas present, if at all possible. And in all his naivety, the red-haired boy got him some peppermint candy canes, a snow dome, and a figurine said to be the epitome of Christmas.

That epitome, though, had been a smirking Santa holding up a minute condom package in his left hand.

You know, since other sizes were too big for the poor man.

-

Even though it made Kyle crack up, in the end he decided to give the perverted Santa to Stan as his gift instead (in an attempt to show him how oh-so-exciting that man really was).

-

At midnight Kenny shouted some sort of Christmas greeting, though yelling something that loud probably wasn't the best of ideas (especially while visiting the Broflovski household).

"Just because I gave you Christmas presents doesn't mean I celebrate it now," Kyle reminded the boy. "And my family most definitely hasn't changed, either."

"Sorry," Kenny replied apologetically. It had been near a year since Kyle had gotten together with Kenny…. "You know, dude? A whole year and you'd think by now people would learn to accept it."

"Cartman still insists I'm gay for Stan," Kyle said with a sigh. "Damn Stan; he'd totally forget me on Christmas."

"He'd rather have Santa's reused-condom-covered—"

"No thanks," interjected Kyle quite quickly. "Don't give me a mental image, thanks." Kenny laughed at his own perverseness as he lazily reached an arm around the Jewish boy, eventually pinning him onto his own bed. Not like the boy minded at all, anyway, but the blonde took time in teasing the boy with an ingeniously placed knee and a daft tongue.

"Thanks for spending Christmas with me," Kenny said with a smirk, all before attacking the boy's neck.

"Same with Chanukah, dude," Kyle managed before a moan. Yet from the angle he was at he could only see one thing: _blonde_—and masses of it, too. "Though, we don't know the other's holiday any more than we did before."

"True point," Kenny muttered somewhere below him, though he quickly returned to Kyle's eye level. "I definitely know you more, though."

Kyle was absorbed in the next color he saw, the color that filled the depths of the boy's orbs—_blue_.

Blonde and blue… light yellow and blue… white and blue… strikingly familiar.

"Your eyes are blue," Kyle muttered silently, and the mentioning of it alone had Kenny rolling off him. Sputtering such a random sentence during an intimate encounter (as stated in Article VII Clause 10b of the golden rules of dating) was valid reason enough to stop altogether, not to mention an angry boyfriend.

"I do," said an irritated Kenny. "You just noticed?"

"No, dude, it's just… your blonde hair and blue eyes remind me of Chanukah."

The annoyed tone in Kenny's voice vanished upon hearing that, and the boy loosened himself slightly as he remained sprawled on the bed. "You know… I guess you're right…"

-

Most people thought he'd end up with Stan but ultimately Kyle found himself more likely to be with Kenny. In a way though, it was probably because of all the irony in their relationship that they actually remained together.

After all, in the Christmas-celebrating Kenny, Kyle would always see Chanukah; and in the Chanukah-celebrating Kyle, Kenny would always see Christmas.

_**- fin -**_


End file.
